Chapter Title: Shinku-Crimson
Pairing: yamachii, yamajima friendship
Fandom: hs7, hsjump
Notes: A random au angst yamachii fic....don't hate me for it...
What Fate has joined together ch1. On the wind pt1- yama-centric
What Fate has joined together ch1.On the wind pt2- yama-centric
What Fate has joined together ch1. No air- Chii-centric
What Fate has joined together ch2. Cotton candy- yama-centrici
What Fate has joined together ch2. Tattoo- Chii-centric
What Fate has joined together ch3. Namida no koi- yama-centric
Ryosuke was cleaning his room after getting in a slight argument with Yuto about Yuto's new friend Keito. He sighed, he had gotten slightly jealous but only because he felt like Yuto was being stolen. He was angry at himself for losing his temper, he had never really had many friends before so he tended to cling to tightly to the few friends he had. He found an unfamiliar notebook buried among his old sketchbooks, the first page had familiar writing, he bit his lip and whispered, "Yuri..." he skimmed the words and he started to cry. He finally understood half the problem; he had spent more time with Yuto then he had seemed to spend with Yuri. No wonder Yuri had left in the end; he had been hurt and jealous. Yuto must have also felt like he losing him to Yuri...the only difference was they loved him in different ways. Yuto loved him like a brother and a friend while Yuri loved him as a friend and a lover; why couldn't he have both?
You were always next to me laughing.
I had always believed that picture would last forever and ever.
He had spent the happy days of beginning of their relationship believing it would last forever. He rocked holding the notebook to his chest, "Why do I never understand anything until it's too late. Every time I think about this story, it won't stop shining. Even thought you're not here He couldn't help missing the one person he couldn't seem to have; why couldn't he hear the cry from Yuri's heart?
LOVE me, show me, tell me.
He whispered, "All I wanted to do was to protect your s・m・i・l・e. The people getting washed away by the waves and the days I can't catch up with."
He thought desparately,
Your back, which I can't look at again, gets smaller.
It was never Yuri who needed to show that he loved him but himself that needed to be more apparent that he loved Yuri. They couldn't read each other's minds but sometimes they could read each other's hearts.
Love me? Show me? Tell me?
He had ended up pulling away because he had been scared that he wasn't enough and hadn't had the courage to stand up to say what he wanted. Now they were both alone; if he was in pain...surely Yuri was too hurting too? It wasn't fair to still want to be with Yuri after all he had? Most of all he was afraid of hurting him again which is why he didn't try to contact Yuri. He had seen Yuri's account name pop up once in a while on the site where he posted his sketches. Sometimes it made him want to cry and other times it made him happy that Yuri still kept an eye on him. He missed Yuri with all his heart, it was so I want to meet you I want to feel your warmth
He cried softly, "LOVE me, show me, tell me. All I wanted to do was to build our f・u・t・u・r・e." yet it was so impossible, he was too shy to say what he really wanted and had run away. Now it was too late...and it broke his heart...
The cold silence was suffocating him...
Everyone thought he was being childish by refusing to move on; it wasn't like hadn't tried relationships after Chii. Being with other people broke his heart, he tried not to cry, none of them never understood him like Yuri did. It was pathetic of him to want someone he had hurt so badly.
Yet, Yuri had from the first moment they met become his muse; the person who inspired him. He still was...he wanted to make something so wonderful that it still touched Yuri. Because even if they were apart he wanted to make something that would make Yuri proud of him. After all this time it was still Yuri's opinion who mattered, even though they no longer spoke. He couldn't trust his own judgement because he never thought anything he made was good enough. He wanted to be good at art, at drawing manga and good at dealing with his fears as well as his insecurities. Yet it was his own lack of conference that was holding him back